


How The Sun Pours In

by Madwordscores



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Harry Potter - Freeform, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sirius takes care of Remus after transformation, Wolfstar Comfort, kiss, wolfstar, wolfstar angst, wolfstar fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:54:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27027676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madwordscores/pseuds/Madwordscores
Summary: "But I am gone, because he is kissing me and I am lost in his arms, in his smell, his lashes on my cheeks, the way he gathers me like I am weightless.I love you Sirius Black. I Love you more than the stars."Sirius takes care of Remus after a particularly bad transformation and accidentally confesses his love for Remus while Remus is under the influence of his medicines, Remus wakes up thinking it was only a dream.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 59





	How The Sun Pours In

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!

I wake up, the sun pouring in through the dorm windows in gentle trickles across the bare white curtains, the remnants of the nightmare already fading out of my periphery. I am covered in sweat and my heart is racing out of my chest. I sit up and hug my knees to my chest, my head balancing on the top of my knees. My eyes inexplicably trail to the bed across from mine, and like every morning, I am surprised by the sunlight reflecting in his hair, it's like golden locks shining bright against the fading sun. I smile at how the sunlight tugs at his eyelids, breaking the deep sleep and how his eyes flutter open. He catches me staring and smiles at me, the nightmare is gone and I am now full of this, this beautiful boy, smiling in the morning light. I can’t help but smile back.

“Morning Pads,” He says, his voice thick from sleep. He moves and the smile fades, as he flinches from the pain shooting up his body, I am already on my feet, grabbing the vial on his bedside, I am on his side, holding his head up, helping him with the medicine.

“Morning Moony, how are you feeling?” I ask him.

“Sleepy” He mumbles and laughs to himself. “How are you up so early on a weekend?”

“I don’t know, you were snoring”

“Was not!” He states indignantly and shoves me with what little strength he has.

“Ow,” I double over, pretending to be hurt. “I can’t believe it you hit me, you ungrateful bastard, I carried you on my back!”

“You are such a drama queen, shut up you are going to wake Peter and James,” He says.

“Let me have a look at your wounds,” I say, and his smile fades slightly, but he nods. I put a finger under his jaw and he moved his head, exposing his neck, and the gash running across it. “It’s looking much better, these medicines are better than the ones we used to use, don’t you think?” I say. “Does it hurt a lot?” 

“Not as much now,” He says.

I open his drawers and take out the ointments and medication Pomfrey left me last night after we put Remus to bed.

“I think this is going to burn a little, Moons, but you are a big boy now, aren’t you?” I say, and he laughs and shoves me again. 

“I swear to Merlin if you don’t stop hitting me, I am going to steal all your chocolates and give them to Minnie”

“You can’t find them,” He mumbles, already bracing himself for the impact of the thick and gooey ointment.

“I am sorry you have to go through this Moony, I wish I could take the pain away,” I say as his eyes flutter close when I apply the ointment on to his gash. 

He doesn’t say anything, I am glad.

“Merlin the smell is horrific, it smells like Goblin piss,” I say when I am done, and he laughs again.

“Smells better than all those cigarettes you’ve been smoking” He says not meeting my eyes, I don’t know how he knows, but Remus always knows, I wonder what took him so long to bring it up.

“Err” I laughed sheepishly.

“Seriously how many did you smoke last night?” 

“1”

“Liar”

“Box”

“Great, you know how hard it was for you to give it up, why would you start again?”

“I didn’t know what else to do!” 

“Great, that explains everything!” he deadpans

“We can have this conversation later, Moony, I need to look at the wound on you back.”

“I don’t want to talk to you if you are going to be like this, Sirius, I want you to live a long life, and a healthy one”

“You sound like Euphemia”

“That’s because I am right”

“Take off your shirt and turn over to you back”

“Why should I listen to you?” He says, “You never listen to me”

“What! I listen to you all the time!”

“Give me one instance” 

“Let’s not forget I gave up smoking because you asked me to, then I didn’t kick Malfoy in the shins just because you asked me to, let’s not forget I didn't skip Transfiguration just because Remus Lupin asked me"

Remus chewed the inside of his lip as he often did when he was disappointed.

I want to kiss him, but I can't.

"Now turn over Moons"

He doesn't fight it this time.

And moves his hands up to remove his shirt and cries out in pain, his muscles must hurt from the transformation.

"Here, let me" I offer.

I stand up, and pull the shirt off, over his head, my fingers graze the smooth skin of his back accidentally and I gulp down the nervous tremors now running across my body.

He lies down on his stomach, exposing the gash across his smooth back, anew among countless scars. I try not to flinch when I look at it, it reminds me too much of the ones on my back, the ones my mother gave to me.

I can’t help but dwell on the fact that we are bound by the pain our blood has forced upon us, stories and scars that are embedded in our life that only our death will set us free. It is a string that binds us both. The stories of our pain.

When I am done, I help him put his shirt back on and he lays back, his eyes drooping shut, from the medicines.

I sit down beside him, and he puts his hand over mine. It seems so innocent, childlike, to be reminded of my presence when he is barely hanging onto the string of consciousness. 

“Hey, you should sleep now, I am going to see what is there to eat” I tuck a stray lock of hair away from his eyes, my fingers lightly grazing his face.

“Don’t leave, you look beautiful here”

He is under the influence on medicine, I tell myself in vain, as a blush breaks free and spreads all across my face.

“I look beautiful everywhere,” I say and he laughs.

“I wonder what it would be like to be loved by you, Sirius Black”

“I think you already know”

“I do?” He asks his voice barely a whisper now.

“More than you can imagine, more than I can ever fathom,” I say, my eyes fixated on his face as he fights to stay awake. “Only you”

I don't know where the words are coming from, but half of me believes that he cannot hear me, that he is too far gone to hear my declaration, and I am glad, I can’t ever say this to his face, but then he intertwines his fingers with mine, and all hell breaks loose.

His cold, slender fingers gliding perfected into my calloused arms. I close my eyes and remind myself to breath.

“Why would you love someone like me, Pads?” He whispers.

“No one but you, only you, I can’t help it” 

“Why,” He says, and a single tear escapes his eyes and falls onto the pillow, in the sunlight, it almost looks like a diamond.

I cannot put to words, how he is the only thing that saves me, each and every time, how his brightness overpowers the darkness that lives inside of me, I don’t think I can explain why I love him, even if I could, it would scare him.

“Because you are the brightest star,” I say, a thousand words summed up into one, I wish he would understand.

I wish he would say something, but he is already asleep, a gentle smile playing across his features, our fingers intertwined, I wish I could stay here, like this, forever.

But, I pull my hand slowly out of his and walk out, I want him to be awake when I tell him this.

My eyes open flutter open, James and Peter are whispering about something across the room while clearing the pieces of shattered glass from the floor.

I sit up and they jump at the sound of my bed creaking.

"Err, hey Remus!" James says nervously.

"Hey Prongs what are you up to?"

"Err nothing?"

I dart my eyes towards Peter.

"He was making Poly Juice Potion with one of Lily's friend's hair and he slipped" Peter explains, and I smile as James rubs a hand across his face, exasperated.

"Where's Pads?"

"He'll come to check up on you I about two minutes from now"

Realization suddenly dawned on me, the morning light, Sirius's hand in my. " _ Only you"  _ he had said.

I get to my feet, and my vision blurred, but I need to see him, right now. Years of longing.

It seems like a dream. I dream. Only a dream.

I rush out.

And there he is sprawled on the couch, his eyes find me almost immediately and he sits up.

"Moons" he whispers "what are you doing out of bed?" He is on his feet, but I am faster still.

"Pads, tell me I wasn't dreaming," I ask him, he seems unsure "I wonder what it would be like to be loved by you" I say, looking down at me feet.

He doesn't say anything.

"Tell me I wasn't dreaming"

"You weren’t dreaming, Moons," he says. 

"I love you, Sirius Black, I-"

But I am gone, because he is kissing me and I am lost in his arms, in his smell, his lashes on my cheeks, the way he gathers me like I am weightless.

_ I love you Sirius Black. I Love you more than the stars. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> How did you like that? Comments and Kudos are always gold and just make me really happy in general :))))))


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